When I think back to where I thought I would be a year and a half after graduating,
even to what I'd be doing or thinking or being, it sure as hell wasn't this. It's a scary thing waking up one day and realizing
you've been half dead through the last year and a half, unsure of what actually happened because you were lost in a fog of
numbness and indifference. And that you have very few options to follow in order to keep moving forward, or maybe to start
doing so, because of all that you fucked up while gone.
All I know is that I have to keep conscious while awake. That I have to keep my mind whirring
but forget the whole hermitude thing for a while or I'll end up stuck there in my mind, whirring madly, unsure of reality
for another year and a half.
Fighting numbness and indifference is tragically difficult when you know everything's easier
with it and part of you wants to sink back into that fog lost somewhere between reality and the world of your own mind.
...and I'm not even on drugs yet.
